About a week ago my friend Brogan went on a bit of a rant about trying to force or guilt people into marriage before they are ready (and when I say bit, there were 13 statuses of varying lengths). I agreed with all of them, but one in particular stood out to me:
Likewise, getting married before you're prepared for marriage is akin to setting out on a road trip with no map, no plan, and an empty tank of gas. It has the potential to end badly. I refuse to make that serious of a commitment when I am nowhere near prepared for such an expedition.I can really relate to that. A year ago I returned home for a couple reasons, but the main one was to begin a relationship with my very best friend who would return close to home a few months after me. I had hopes and dreams this relationship would work and turn into a beautiful marriage. I already loved him with all my heart. And besides, I had prompting after prompting from Heavenly Father pointing me in his direction. I was ready, right?
Well, shortly after his return he ended things. While I miss the friendship we once shared, I realized in time that I had not been in a good place emotionally to begin a serious relationship. Trying to ignore nearly half a lifetime of depression does not work well, in fact, it tends to hit harder than it was before when it has such excellent fuel to burn.
As I was starting to come out of the "I don't want to even get out of bed because everything hurts" part of my depression, I decided to go to a Young Single Adult Conference held by the Clarksburg, WV Stake. I almost didn't go, but I'm so glad I did because I got to meet and learn from the wonderful Mara and Danny Kofoed who run A Blog About Love. They changed my world. Here were two people who were the embodiment of everything I wanted for myself. I have never met anyone so full of love for themselves and others as these two.
It was as they talked about their idea of "don't find a soulmate, become a soulmate" that it really hit me that I had some work I needed to do for myself before I would be in the right place to be a good partner. (An idea they talk about in this post. Its so much better from them as apposed to my second hand ramblings.) They taught that it was important to become a complete person and find someone else who is a complete person with similar goals in life to start a relationship with as opposed to the current view of a soulmate being someone who completes you. I have always been a hopeless romantic so this concept rocked my world. I had romanticized this idea of this person who would be "perfect" for me and make me half of a whole. With Mara and Danny's counsel in the back of my head, this concept I once held close seems so sad. Isn't two wholes coming together to make an even greater whole even better? I think so.
I realized I needed to get my depression under control. I needed to get my relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ back on track. I needed to become the person I knew I had the potential to become. That part of me that wanted to be like the Kofoeds had always been there I just hadn't had the right example to strive towards until that conference and I thank them from the bottom of my heart for that.
I'm still working towards becoming that complete, loving person. I know I'm not nearly there yet. But I guess the purpose of this post was to say that its okay to not be ready for huge life decisions. And it's okay to want to be in the best place you could possibly be before you make those big choices. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
