When Will My Life Begin?

Lately I've been feeling like a Disney Princess at the start of her movie.  No, I'm not implying I'm about to meet Prince Charming or find an enchanted castle, but I have felt like Belle wanting "adventure in the great wide somewhere" a lot lately.

Unlike a Disney Princess I can't just wonder "When will my life begin?" and suddenly a thief will wander up my tower and I will take the crown he has stolen to use as a barter chip to get me to my true home.  (That would be nice though.  Well, other than the breaking and entering... and being kidnapped as a child bit.)  I do not have the luxury of writers moving along my plot development so I have had to take matters into my own hands.

I recently started a pro-con list of places I was thinking about moving to.  Some of them are pipe dreams (oh NYC and So Cal, why must your price of living be astronomical?) but there were about 4 that were serious contenders.  But in the end, only one can prevail.  

It might take me a year.  It might take me four months.  And it certainly won't be easy to box up my life and save up the money to once again move across the country.  And its especially a good thing that my past year long affair with this state ended well, because I am once again heading to Utah. 

I am so excited about this.  The past two years since returning home have been a very long dark tunnel, but its nice to finally be in the light and see hope and a future.  I will certainly miss my wild and wonderful West Virginia hills, but I've learned all I can learn here.  I'm not going to find the things I want out of life here so on to the next adventure I go.   

And you know what?  I think a change will do me good.

Shopping on the Sabbath

So the last customer of the day was making his purchase and I didn't see him lay down his 5 but I saw him move while I was getting his bag so I assumed he had slid a card.  He pointed to the 5 on the counter and I made a joke about not having a brain or eyes today.  This man then proceeds to tell me that I shouldn't have to work on Sunday anyway.  And I wish he wouldn't have said that.  It had been such a lovely day thus far.

Annoyed, but reminding myself I'm still at work, I politely as I can tell him that if people wouldn't shop on Sunday, I wouldn't have to work.  He laughs and replies with "Well, there's nothing else to do." And I wish he wouldn't have said that either.

I bit my tongue and handed him his change, but that last statement made me mad.  I am not someone who is prone to anger, in fact, I can't remember the last time I was properly angry.  But oh boy, if you want to rile me up you apparently just need to tell me that there is nothing else on God's green Earth that you could be doing on the Sabbath other than shopping.

So dear sir, here is a small list of things you could be doing instead of shopping on Sunday:

• taking a walk through nature to enjoy the Lord's creation
• visiting the sick or elderly
• spending time with your family (somewhere that doesn't require someone else to work for you to be there)
• watching Prince of Egypt or some other gospel centered movie
• taking a nap
• reading scriptures
• taking time to marvel at how wonderfully the Lord has blessed your life.

See, 7 things that took longer to type out than to come up with.  So shopping isn't the only thing you could be doing on this day the Lord has set aside.  Because in Exodus 20 one of the Ten Commandments given to the children of Israel was, "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy."  But God didn't stop there!  He continued, explaining, "But the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day, and hallowed it." (emphasis added)

The Sabbath is more than just not working.  It should be spent glorifying God and helping those in need.  But the part I wish so many people didn't forget is that part in italics.  Part of the Sabbath day observance as laid out by the Lord requires not making others work.  The kitchen supplies, clothes, books, movies, and body wash will still be at the mall on Monday.  There are so many better things to do on the Lord's day than shop.    

A New Me, A New Blog Title

After my last post I decided that my original blog title was no longer fitting.  "The Obligatory Narcissistic College Kid Blog" had a good run, but given that I have been out of school for two years it just didn't fit anymore.  And I wasn't really narcissistic... Okay maybe a little bit.  But hey its my blog and my experiences.

What I wanted was a title that more accurately represented the direction I was heading in my life.  I feel like I'm finally maybe possibly not-holding-my-breath but quite likely at least on the path to getting my life back in order after the low the past two years have been.   And thus "Finding My Way" was born.  Doesn't quite have the poetry of the old title but it names this space of mine much better.

"Defying Gravity" also crossed my mind.  It's such an empowering song!

I don't think the blog itself will change much.  Its always been a place of introspection and that's not likely to become different now.  It's always going to be a place where I talk about my life and what's on my mind and things I'm learning.  I mostly do it for me so I can look back and know at least a small part of what was going on in my mind.  I also write because I am a believer that there are things only I can say (or you, or she, or he, etc) and maybe my musings on life can help others solve things in their lives.

So here's to new beginnings.  And to hoping things at least turn out like they should.

Late Night Thoughts: Who Are You Now?

Hello blog.  Long time, no see.  Sorry its been eight months but the optimism of my last post was short lived.  Funnily enough I've been miraculously happy for the past couple weeks, but this post is going to be about working through some doubts.  I may have an answer by the end or I may have more questions.  Who knows.

With this new found happiness I find that I feel like I can take on anything.  I have this car with a full tank of gas and snacks for the road and I realized right I as I was about to floor it to my short term destination that I had no idea what direction to point the car in after that.  Somewhere between listening to the voices, including my own, that said my dreams were unrealistic and impossible and a crippling depression that made my desire to do anything including live nonexistent, I lost my dreams.  I'm honestly not even sure I'd recognize them as my own if I found them.

So now there is just this daunting list of questions swirling around my brain.  Who are you now?  What do you want to do with your life?  Where do you want to end up?  What is important to you?  What did you want. but only really wanted because you were told you should?  What were you put on this earth to accomplish?

I think 3 am is too late at night to find the answers if only because these answers aren't going to be found right away.  I need some time to get reacquainted with myself.  I've spent nearly half my life being depressed and tearing myself down and it's going to take some time to heal that.  And the rest?  Well, I hope I'll figure that out as I heal.  It might take some time, but I'll find it.  When I do, I'm not losing it again.    

Why Hello There 2014.

Why hello there 2014.  It's good to meet you.  I hope we get along just fine.  You see, all the years before you, well, they've not treated me very kindly.  But you, I have a very good feeling about you.

Forgive my little personification above.  It's late and I'm feeling a bit loopy, but I just want to get some thoughts down.

I normally do little "recaps" of the good and bad bits of [insert year here], but I know what 2013's would look like.  Yes, I met amazing people and I learned a lot, but there was a lot of depression this past year.  I wasn't in a very good place for a lot of 2013.  Your best friend deciding he really doesn't want to date you (or really even be your friend either) after prompting after prompting points you in his direction even before he made a move tends to do that to a girl.  And I only mention that for perspectives sake. I was devastated.  Not only did I lose a friend I thought would always have my back, I started to doubt all the promptings I had received and my connection to my Heavenly Father that I had relied so heavily upon up to that point.

I'm doing a lot better.  I have more good days than depressed days and I'm starting to trust the promptings I receive from the Holy Ghost again. That's something that I made a resolution even before the New Year: to get my relationship with my Heavenly Father back on track.  I think I've made good progress so far.  But this post wasn't even really supposed to be about resolutions.  I've never been a fan of them.  If I want to change something in my life, I don't see the point in waiting for some magic date or resolving to change something I know I won't follow through on because I really don't want to change.  (End mini rant.)

No, the whole point of this post, is to document the fact that on the third day of 2014, I, Chelsea L. Conner, for the first time in who knows how long, thinks that this is going to be a really great year.  I know who I want to be and am working to become her.  I have a fairly decent idea of what I want to do.  And I have a better idea than ever of the qualities I desire in the person I hope to spend eternity with.  I plan on moving this year and I just know that great things are going to await me there.  I don't know what they are.  Maybe I'll meet my eternal companion.  Maybe I'll take a class that gives me an idea for how to move forward with the things I want to do in this world.  Maybe I'll help others to see Christ's love.  I don't know.  All I know is that Columbus, OH is where my Heavenly Father wants me to be.  It's the last thing I expected, but that's what I thought about moving to Utah and that was wonderful.  

It might be hard.  Nothing may go the way I want it to, but I know that my Heavenly Father will bring me through anything he brings me to.  That's another thing I learned this past year.  I know that through him, all things are possible.  I welcome this year with open arms.  One way or another, it's going to be a really great year.