Hello blog. Long time, no see. Sorry its been eight months but the optimism of my last post was short lived. Funnily enough I've been miraculously happy for the past couple weeks, but this post is going to be about working through some doubts. I may have an answer by the end or I may have more questions. Who knows.
With this new found happiness I find that I feel like I can take on anything. I have this car with a full tank of gas and snacks for the road and I realized right I as I was about to floor it to my short term destination that I had no idea what direction to point the car in after that. Somewhere between listening to the voices, including my own, that said my dreams were unrealistic and impossible and a crippling depression that made my desire to do anything including live nonexistent, I lost my dreams. I'm honestly not even sure I'd recognize them as my own if I found them.
So now there is just this daunting list of questions swirling around my brain. Who are you now? What do you want to do with your life? Where do you want to end up? What is important to you? What did you want. but only really wanted because you were told you should? What were you put on this earth to accomplish?
I think 3 am is too late at night to find the answers if only because these answers aren't going to be found right away. I need some time to get reacquainted with myself. I've spent nearly half my life being depressed and tearing myself down and it's going to take some time to heal that. And the rest? Well, I hope I'll figure that out as I heal. It might take some time, but I'll find it. When I do, I'm not losing it again.
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