Not Your Average Father's Day Post

I really do not like today.  It reminds me in full force what I lack, and I don't like that.
For those of you who know me well (and now all who read this post), know that I do not know my father and, most of the time, have no desire to.  He's an alcoholic.  He's been in and out of jail.  I know he never went to college and I'm fairly certain he didn't graduate high school (I'd be surprised if he had).  Most of the time, I really don't like admitting we share some DNA for those reasons.
But sometimes I wish I could meet him.  These reasons are purely spiteful.  I like to believe that my Mom did an amazing job raising me.  She pushed me to be the best I could be.  She never wanted anyone to say, “Oh, she’s from a single parent home. You’ll have to excuse her.”  I graduated high school.  I'm receiving a college education, and earning my own money.  Because of family history, I've never smoke or drank and have no desire to.  I've never even been to the principal's office let alone done something big enough to get me thrown in jail.  I hope to be able to get a good job and one day get married and have a family of my own.
I want to meet him so I can show him that I am nothing like him.  That I am making something of myself, even though he never did because he couldn't change.  That him not being in my life, didn't make me just another statistic.  That I'm a better person, because I never wanted to be like him.

The Great Perhaps

The poet François Rabelais's last words were, " I go to seek a Great Perhaps."  Like Pudge who quotes these words in the novel Looking For Alaska by John Green, I didn't want to wait until I died to seek the Great Perhaps.  Like him, I thought it could be found in this life.
When I first read the book, I was getting ready to come out to Southern Utah University.  I thought of this educational journey as my Great Perhaps, since I really had no idea what I was doing.  (Hell, I still don't!)  I had only a vague idea of what the campus looked like, no earthly idea as to what the town was like, and, the scariest bit, no idea who I was going to be living with and who I was going to meet.  I had never moved out of Parkersburg, WV, and so for the first time in my life, I was going to be completely on my own in a place I had never even visited.  At the time, I couldn't think of anything scarier or more exciting.  Once I hit the middle of August, my life would become one great big Unknown.
To some extent, I still agree with my younger self.  Moving to Cedar City was a perhaps, but it was only a small one in the grand scheme of things. The Great Perhaps is not one solitary event.  It is continuously going on.  I believe now that the true Great Perhaps also goes by another name: LIFE.  Life is scary.  Just when you think you have it all worked out, it dumps another mountain of challenges and complications on you and skips away gleefully as it laughingly says, "Have fun figuring all that out!"  And ya know what? I look forward to figuring it all out.  I'm still excited and scared for it, but I'm ready for the unknown of this life long journey.

Walk Into The Darkness

Harold B. Lee once said, “You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and perhaps a few steps into the darkness, and you will find that the light will appear and move ahead of you.”
I'm trying to center my life around this quote.  The future terrifies me.  I remember being a kid and honestly thinking that the closer I'd get to twenty, the more I'd have figured out; that be reaching adulthood, I would have all the answers.  HA! If only.  Instead, I'm finding that I have very, very few answers and very little idea as to where my life is going.
When I do get some idea of what my next move should be, it isn't always what I would want or expect to do.  Such is life I guess.  Searching for answers only to be unsure or dislike what you find.
But here's the thing.  I've learned the hard way many a time that when inspiration comes knocking, you open the door and run after it even if you really have no idea where its taking you.  Just as Lee said, things will become clearer as you go.
Or at least, I hope that's the case.  

Feels Something Like Summertime Playlist

Summer is right around the corner.  Finals are coming to a close and the weather is constantly improving (and so is my mood for the same reason).  Bright colors, pastels, and flip flops are being reintroduced to my wardrobe.  But most importantly, I have complied this year's summer playlist.
Once it starts getting warmer, I start making a playlist of songs that are upbeat, dancy, and/or just remind me of summer.  So, this year, I thought I would share it.  Without further ado, Chelsea's "Feels Something Like Summertime" Playlist.

• ABC-Jackson 5
• Accidentally in Love- Counting Crows
• All I Wanna Do- Sugarland
•  All Shook Up- Elvis
• America’s Sweethearts (South Rakkas Remix)- Fall Out Boy
• Americano- Lady Gaga
• Animal-Glee cover
• Baby Be Mine- Michael Jackson
• Bad Romance- Glee cover/Lady Gaga
• Bang the Doldrums- Fall Out Boy
• Better Than Drugs- Skillet
• Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)- Mika
• Blow- Ke$ha
• Born This Way- Lady Gaga
• Boys Boys Boys- Lady Gaga
• Bulletproof- La Roux
• Burning Love- Elvis
• California Girls- Beach Booys
• California Girls- Katy Perry
• Can’t- ALL CAPS cover
• Call Me Maybe- Carly Rae Jepsen
• Caramelldansen (Speedy Mix)- Caramell
• Crazy Beautiful Life- Ke$ha
• Daylight- Matt & Kim
• Dirty Little Secret- All American Rejects
• Dog Days Are Over- Florence & The Machine
• Don’t Rain On My Parade- Glee cover
• Edge of Glory- Lady Gaga
• Empire State of Mind- Glee cover
• Everytime We Touch- Cascada
• Fearless- Taylor Swift
• Firework- Glee Cover/Katy Perry
• Forever Yours- Alex Day
• Forget You- Gee Lo Green
• Friday I’m In Love- The Cure
• Gives You Hell- All American Rejects
• Gonna Get Over You- Sara Bareillis
• Good Gone Girl- Mika
• Good Vibrations- Beach Boys
• Heaven- Los Lonely Boys
• Hey Stephen- Taylor Swift
• Hey Soul Sister- Train
• Home- Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros
• How Far We’ve Come- Matchbox 20
• Hum Hallelujah- Fall Out Boy
• I Don’t Care (Machine Shop Remix)- Fall Out Boy
• I Get Around- Beach Boys
• I Kissed A Girl- Glee cover/ Katy Perry
• I Wanna- All American Rejects
• International Love- Pitbull Feat. Chris Brown
• It’s Not Unusual- Glee cover
• Just The Girl- Click 5
• Just Dance- Lady Gaga
• Jessie’s Girl- Rick Springfield
• King of Anything- Sara Bareillis
• Kokomo- Beach Boys
• Lady Godiva- Alex Day
• Let’s Go Crazy- Prince
• Let’s Kill Tonight- Panic! at the Disco
• Lisztomania- Pheonix
• Lollipop- Mika
• Love Like Woe- Ready Set
• Love Today- Mika
• Love You Like A Love Song- Selena Gomez
• LoveGame- Lady Gaga
• Mamma Mia- ABBA
• Marry You- Glee cover
• Move Along- All American Rejects
• Move SHake Drop- DJ Lazz
• Moves Like Jagger- Maroon 5 Feat. Christina Aguilera
• My Paper Heart- All American Rejects
• New Indigo- Tom Milsom
• Nice Guys- Chester See, Kevjumba, and Ryan Higa
• Ocean Avenue- Yellow Card
• One Week- Bare Naked Ladies
• Our Time Now- Plain White T’s
•  Part Rock Anthem- LMFAO
• Pause- Pitbull
• Pavolve- Fall Out Boy
•  Raise Your Glass- P!nk
• Rasberry Beret- Prince
• Rhythm of Love- Plain White T’s
• Semiotic Love- Blaqk Audio
• Silly Love Songs- Paul McCartney/ Glee cover
• Since U Been Gone- Kelly Clarkson
• So What- P!nk
•  Stereo Hearts- Gym Class Heroes Feat. Adam Levine
• Stuck Like Glue- Sugarland
• Summer of ‘09- ALL CAPS
• Summerboy- Lady Gaga
• Summertime- Bon Jovi
• Sun- DHT
• Super Bass- Nicki Minaj
• Sweet Caroline- Neil Diamond/ Glee cover
• Talk Nerdy- Luke and Ryan
• Teenage Dream- Katy Perry/ Glee cover
• Story of A Girl- Ninedays
• Tonight Tonight- Hot Chelle Rae
• Touches You- Mika
• Travelling in Twos- Luke Conard
• We Are Golden- Mika
• Weightless- All Time Low
• Worth It- Luke and Ryan
• You and I- Lady Gaga
• You Give Love A Bad Name- Bon Jovi
• You’ve Got The Love- Florence and the Machine
• We Are Young- Fun.
• When We First Met- Hellogoodbye 

Book Categorization is a Strange Beast

I find it interesting how libraries categorize their books.  For instance, the library here has Harry Potter books in the young adult section.  They might have them in the kid section too, I didn't check.  In this case, I like this categorization because during my senior year I decided to reread them all, but I only owned the last two.  I hated going to the children section to get them, because the parents always looked at me like I was going to kidnap their kids.  (For the record, while kids are adorable, I would never kidnap one.  Mostly because its wrong, but also because I really do not want to raise one.)

However, the first time I went to this library, I was really just seeing what would catch my eye.  I found a few books when I decided to see if they had some Terry Pratchett.  Pratchett has been my favorite adult writer ever since Charlie lent me Good Omens (co-written with Neil Gaiman) and Going Postal.  Sadly, Mr. Pratchett's books were no where to be found which I quickly decided was a great disservice to the entire state of Utah.

Over spring break I ran out of books and decided to see if the library had a few that I had wanted to read.  They didn't.  Apparently to rub salt in my wound, I decided to look up Pratchett on the online catalog.  To my utter surprise, a couple pages of results sprang up.  I sat in shock.  Where had all these books disappeared to?  I knew the alphabet.  I knew where he should have been on the shelves.  I knew none of his books had been there.  So why was this computer trying to torture me into thinking they had his books when they in fact did not?

On closer inspection, this was because, according to the library, Terry Pratchett was a young adult novelist.

charlieissoconfusedlike

Remember when I said he was my favorite adult novelist?  Yeah, that's because every other library and book store I've been to has his books with other adult books (with the exception of The Wee Free Men, but that's because it actually is for teens).  His writing style is just not YA.  Teen lit is fast paced, where Pratchett has a style that almost meanders.  Also, YA is characterized by mostly first person narration, while he prefers to write third person omniscient. Young adult focuses on one teen character and their development, side characters are few in number, and adults are even more sparse.  Pratchett's characters are  every age, occasionally animal, and sometimes ambiguous (DEATH has his own book and pops up from time to time.)  Also, have you ever heard of young adult satire?  After consulting with Google., that would be no.

   

National Best Friend Day

So apparently today (or yesterday or sometime recently) is/was National Best Friend Day.  Sadly, my best friend can't read this until December, but this boy has meant the world to me for nearly five years.  We talk in pronouns, dance in cars, watch the four hour version of Jane Eyre in a small cramped space, and spend sunny afternoons at Special Tree.  He's my nonbiological brother and a better friend than I deserve.

Charlie and I circa prom 2010 

I remember when he first moved to our ward.  All we knew was that a family with teenagers was moving into our ward and happy day for me, they were going to be living on North Side.  Literally every other youth in my ward lived on South Side.  When we found out, Danielle told me that she hoped there was a girl our age that would be at school with me.  Instead, I got three boys.  (I was sandwiched perfectly between two of them).  The oldest, Charlie, did not quickly become my best friend.  It was a slow process.  Probably made slower by our meeting.  Courtney and I looked at each other and said "Charlie, we're going to Candy Mountain Charlie" in accents when we learned his name.  He'd never seen the youtube video and most likely thought we were insane. (Which let's be honest, he's just as sane as we are...which is not very.)
Since there was a thirty second drive between our houses, we started hanging out at each other's houses.  His family became my second family as mine became his.  We celebrated birthdays together and a few other miscellaneous holidays.  (Sternwheel Festival is a holiday, right?)  One in particular is vivid in my mind.  Fourth of July 2008.  Charlie was over at my house and his mom called him because she needed the van.  My mom was still skeptical about me riding with new drivers so Charlie gave her this huge elaborate speech on how he was a safe driver and honestly we were just going to be going up the hill and his Mom would bring us back down.  In the time that he had been at my house though, it had rained and then stopped.  Unfortunately, it was just enough for the van to sink a little in the grass.  Let's just say we had to borrow a truck and some rope before we made it out of the yard, let alone up the hill.
Of course, I have continued to give him a hard time about this, but he gives as good as he gets.  I think our whole relationship is built on a foundation of sarcasm and jokes.  He even picks on me in our letters.  We do things just to torture the other.  Letters with sets of instructions, confetti that makes a mess when you open a different letter, or, once, a handful of silly bands that reason and purpose has yet to be explained.  Or when we were both back home, he'd call me up early (like 9 or 10), wake me up, tell me I had ten minutes to get ready because we were going on an adventure.  And though I would grumble that it was too early and that I hated having my hair in a ponytail, those adventures are some of my favorite memories from high school.
I could go on and on about memories with Charlie.  We had some interesting, fun, and crazy times together.  Get us together and things are never dull.  If nothing else, we'll talk a mile a minute, and jump topics so fast you won't be able to keep up.  And that is said from experience.  People have given up trying to follow our conversations.  I miss those crazy talks.  Right now, a continent and an ocean separates us and we can only communicate through letter, but you can bet that as soon as we see each other for the first time in two years this December, one, we will tackle-hug each other and two, only stop talking long enough to order two gyros at Buckeye Donuts.  

BEDA! Or BALA since I'm a slacker.

Many moons ago, a YA author by the name of Maureen Johnson created this thing called Blog Every Day in April or BEDA.  I have already failed the every day part of this challenge and seeing as finals are quickly approaching, I will be doing BALA, Blog A Lotta April.  Yep.  What can I say, I am a slacker.
Yep, that is the point of this whole post.  If you don't see another from me in the next few days, spam my Facebook wall or something.  (That was a JOKE).  See ya tomorrow (with any luck)!